A Play Date

Friday, August 27, 2010. Stella had her first play date today. Five-year-old Addie and four-year-old Luke were anxious to meet and play with their new friend from so far away.  Henry had a play date of his own (if you still call it that when you're nine) so he wasn't along for the fun. 

The kids swam, played dress-up and shared lots of giggles. Addie took on the task of teaching Stella some new words in English. It's heartwarming to watch children who can't even speak the same language play and imagine as if there were no obstacles in their way. 

When it was time to leave, an exhausted Stella fell apart. She wailed, cried and screamed the entire 15 minute ride home.  


The outburst seemed beyond her control and perhaps deeper than the fact that she'd had a fun day and was exhausted. I had to wonder if the fun and play she shared with Addie didn't remind her of the friends she'd left behind in China? How could she not think of them from time to time?


I hope someday she can tell me what she was thinking and feeling during this dramatic time in her life. 


For now, I have to settle for the little messages we can share....Once we got home and Stella had settled onto my lap and calmed herself down, I asked her if she was happy and pulled the sides of my mouth up to form a smile. 


She shook her head no. 


I asked in the same way, "Are you sad?"


She shook her head no again?


"How do you feel?"


She took the sides of her mouth and pulled them straight across. 


I said, "What does that mean? Are you both happy and sad?"


Stella shook her head yes.

Settling In at Home

It's hard to believe that it's almost two weeks since we returned home from China. Stella has made herself right at home with playing and helping out around the house. She and Henry continue to test each other as they battle for the ultimate alpha position. 

Every day brings new words to her English vocabulary and trademark squeals of delight at life's new discoveries. This morning the mattress pad under her sheets was greeted with "Ah, pretty". (Seriously, it's just a plain white mattress pad!)

We've also had the opportunity to witness her first telephone conversation and the fascination one relates to a toddler with the fact that this little handheld device is talking to her in the voice of her "Jammy" and "Babba". 

Most often children raised in institutional settings are developmentally several years behind their piers, for this reason we've dealt with the tantrums and fits of fussing that you'd expect from a baby. Those moments are often quickly replaced with her sweet smile and contagious giggle. 


As for me, I love this time home with both children. I do, however, sometimes feel overwhelmed and challenged by all the complicated dynamics of our new life. I know Henry's feelings of frustration and jealousy are normal and I know that Stella needs to test the rules to see exactly where she stands...I just struggle with wondering if I'm being the best Mom to both that I can be and why I let my selfish needs for solitude and cohesive thought interfere with being a Mom. 

Things will change again next week when Henry heads off to fourth grade. Stella will stay home with me for more bonding time before beginning her school year. In the meantime, she'll make visits to the eye doctor, pediatrician and eventually the cardiologist. At some point we'll have her tested by the school district to determine the best academic plan for her. 


By the way, she turns 7 on September 18. Several people had asked me her birthday and shamefully, I couldn't recall. I'd like to attribute the forgetfulness to jet lag or exhaustion - that works for me! It also occurred to me that I'd never really discussed here what we know of Stell'a past. The only information we have is that she was found outside the Agricultural Bank of China when she was two or three days old. She was taken to the Social Welfare Institute of Wuchuan, Guangdong Province where it was determined that she had congenital heart disease for which she later had corrective surgery. She did spend approximately one year in foster care, later returning to the orphanage to attend kindergarten. 

It breaks my heart every time I think of that little bundle wrapped in a blanket and left outside on her own, waiting for someone to pick her up and care for her. It breaks my heart for Stella and the parents who had no other choice but to abandon her...how does a mother overcome that kind of guilt and grief?


The new future is definitely bright for our little Stella as she sets out to embrace life and send us off each night with " I lub you" and a kiss on the cheek!

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Stella Comes Home! 

The trip home on Friday went as well as a 24 hour travel trip could go. On the long leg of the flight, Henry, Stella and I sat together and Kelly sat in another part of the plane to allow Henry's friend Andrew to sit with us instead of on his own. None of us could wait to get off of that plane! Planes landed on time, no bags were lost and our car was still in the Sheraton parking lot upon our arrival...all is good. 

We reached home about 10 p.m. to find Mom awaiting our arrival. She had done some decorating for Henry's belated birthday wishes and Denise, Kelly's cousin, had left the place in perfect condition. Rose was beside herself at the site of a new friend and overjoyed that we'd returned after so long away. 


Stella greeted her room and few toys with her now famous shrieks of delight. She was immediately enamored with Rose and Maisy. And for those of you who know Maisy, you can imagine how the sentiment was not returned. 


The weekend has been spent allowing Stella to get to know the place, unpacking and trying to catch up on sleep. Henry was confused at lunchtime today, because he thought he was having supper. Hopefully tonight will be a better night of rest!

Stella has already proven to be a big helper around the house. She does a great job of hanging and folding laundry. I plan to tap into her skills at every opportunity!

Kelly returns to work tomorrow. For Henry, Stella and me, the next few weeks will be spent getting to know one another more and helping Stella learn her way around her new home. 


I'll keep posting updates as the time passes. 


Thank you to all of you for your support and prayers during our trip. We are thrilled to be home and overjoyed at the spunk and charm of this little orphaned child who has joined our family. 

Headed Home!

Friday, August 13, 2010. Up early and heading home! We're all dreading the flight and anxious to reach our destination. Stella was talking in her dialect to a woman last night at the pool telling her that she was "Taking an airplane to her new home with her Mamma, Babba and ge ge where she had a dog".


Very sweet. 


Here she is buying silk before leaving China!

Pearl Shopping in Guangzhou.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010. I left Kelly at the White Swan Hotel with the kids (that sounds weird) and went shopping this morning - pearl shopping. 

Knowing very little about cost, quality or variations of pearls, I went for the learning experience (at least that's what I told Kelly). A group of about 15 of us headed to the wholesale jewelry mall. Shiyan, our Bethany hostess, told us to offer at least 50% below the listed price. 


We picked one of the many vendors to learn a little about pearls...fresh water vs. sea water pearls, size, texture, color, etc. Feeling slightly informed, we headed up to the upper levels where we figured fewer people ventured and we'd have more negotiating power. We selected our two most persuasive people and moved in for the kill!

What a hoot! After about an hour we left with lots of pearls purchased at a very good price and all puffed up at our persuasive powers!

We got back to the hotel just in time to head to the Consulate for the final formality of the adoption process where we took an oath promising to be good parents to our Stella...how could we not be she's absolutely enchanting!


In the picture above, Stella walks out of her final Chinese institution building and in two days will get off a plane on U.S. soil as an American citizen. 

Babba and Henry are very funny!

Monday, August 10, 2010. Kelly, Henry and Stella spent time playing and cracking each other up by making funny faces, silly noises and acting like barking dogs! All the craziness served to further break down Stella's resistance to connect with her Babba and ge ge. 

Babba also helped Stella learn to spell her name. She picked it up quickly and loves to practice writing numbers and letters. 

Happy Birthday Henry!

Monday, August 9, 2010. I'm not sure Henry appreciates how cool it was to celebrate his birthday in China, but he still managed to have a fun day and loved all the attention it brought him.

In keeping with Chinese tradition, we celebrated by taking him and some friends to McDonalds for lunch (seriously that is what they do)! The Geldreich family, Ryan, Amei, Andrew, Josh and Emily joined in the fun. We took a taxis to their hotel and then headed back to a common area away from the crazy crowdedness of the restaurant to eat. Henry then spent the afternoon swimming and playing Wii at the hotel and had a great time. Andrew and Josh have as much energy as Henry does, so it's a good match. 

He also received some special gifts from some of the families...an Asian root beer, a can of Pringles, a package of Cow Tails and set of Bruce Lee playing cards. Aunt Tammy had sent along a new DS game from home and we had gotten him a New York Yankees cap. Life is good for Henry!

By the way, I was the only one that ordered a grilled chicken sandwich. I tried to eat it, but there is just no way that that was chicken in that sandwich...my guess is pigeon? The fries were delicious and everything else tasted just like home!

Guangzhou Folk Arts Museum

Sunday, August 8, 2010. Today we visited the Guangzhou Folk Art Museum - Chen Clan Academy Ancestral Hall. I loved this place and once again many photo opportunities were hampered by sticky fingers and distracted siblings, but it was still inspirational to visit. 

According to our hostess, the Chen family name is the most dominant in the Guangzhou area and the compound which now serves as the museum was established to assure the quality education of the generations of Chen namesakes, resulting in financial success during the Ching Dynasty. 

The area is famous for it's hand-carved architecture and quality arts and crafts....right up my alley (boring to the kids)!

Our evening was spent in the hotel room bonding, coloring, eating pizza and watching "Cinderella". Henry spent every free moment that he could today playing on an IPad that he borrowed from one of the adoptive dads in the group (Henry's newest hero).  I would like to note, however, that Henry did make the ultimate big brother sacrifice by watching "Cinderella" with his little sister! Pictures were notallowed to record the event. 

Happy Birthday Henry

Monday, August 9, 2010. Happy Birthday Henry. He gets to start celebrating 12 hours early!

Learning to Love a Sister

Saturday, August 7, 2010. Henry is still struggling with his emotions and today was a day of dramatic ups and downs. We take comfort knowing this reaction is normal...on the other hand it's hard to watch Henry struggle and to have to constantly guide him towards loving and appropriate behaviors.

Today we took the shuttle to the "real" commercial shopping area. Didn't buy much, but had a look around. It's difficult to communicate "do not touch" to Stella...the excitement of shopping, seeing so many new things and the language barrier make it all challenging (not to mention the fact that this little girl loves to test the boundaries and then flashes her 

sweetest smile).

Henry isn't the only one struggling. Stella occasionally drifts off in a reflective mood after which she sobs a heart wrenching cry. Once it's over, she seems renewed and ready to jump back into her new life.

The day ended on a real "up" note with lots of laughter and play from Henry and Stella. Henry embraced his role as big brother full of play and nurturing.

Kelly and I are exhausted with all the ups and downs. Neither of us thought that this adjustment would be so difficult!

Ni Hao from China

Friday, August 6. The big event today was that Stella got the result of her TB test which was negative. Yeah!

The Woys-Four headed for the shopping district on foot today only to realize that we missed it by a few blocks. Instead, we found the local Free Market where vendors were selling smelly, unrefrigerated meats and local slaughters. Henry was repulsed by the odors. I was filled with anxiety at all the wonderful missed photo opportunities. (It's hard to shoot when you have one or two hands to hold while maneuvering narrow streets filled with crazy bicycles and impatient truck drivers!)

A group of us ate Thai for dinner where Brian ordered a chicken meal. Little did he know it was presented with head intact. Yum!

We ended the day with a swim at the pool Stella loves the water as much as Henry does and is doing well with learning to keep her mouth closed...at least in the water!

Two of the pictures in this posting are taken from our hotel room. We're on the 19th floor of the White Swan. It's a beautiful hotel with an awesome view of the Pearl River and all it's activity. The hotel is actually on an island called Shamian Island which has an "old south" kind of feel. There is lots of renovation going on in preparation for the Asia Games which will be held here this fall.