Settling In at Home

It's hard to believe that it's almost two weeks since we returned home from China. Stella has made herself right at home with playing and helping out around the house. She and Henry continue to test each other as they battle for the ultimate alpha position. 

Every day brings new words to her English vocabulary and trademark squeals of delight at life's new discoveries. This morning the mattress pad under her sheets was greeted with "Ah, pretty". (Seriously, it's just a plain white mattress pad!)

We've also had the opportunity to witness her first telephone conversation and the fascination one relates to a toddler with the fact that this little handheld device is talking to her in the voice of her "Jammy" and "Babba". 

Most often children raised in institutional settings are developmentally several years behind their piers, for this reason we've dealt with the tantrums and fits of fussing that you'd expect from a baby. Those moments are often quickly replaced with her sweet smile and contagious giggle. 


As for me, I love this time home with both children. I do, however, sometimes feel overwhelmed and challenged by all the complicated dynamics of our new life. I know Henry's feelings of frustration and jealousy are normal and I know that Stella needs to test the rules to see exactly where she stands...I just struggle with wondering if I'm being the best Mom to both that I can be and why I let my selfish needs for solitude and cohesive thought interfere with being a Mom. 

Things will change again next week when Henry heads off to fourth grade. Stella will stay home with me for more bonding time before beginning her school year. In the meantime, she'll make visits to the eye doctor, pediatrician and eventually the cardiologist. At some point we'll have her tested by the school district to determine the best academic plan for her. 


By the way, she turns 7 on September 18. Several people had asked me her birthday and shamefully, I couldn't recall. I'd like to attribute the forgetfulness to jet lag or exhaustion - that works for me! It also occurred to me that I'd never really discussed here what we know of Stell'a past. The only information we have is that she was found outside the Agricultural Bank of China when she was two or three days old. She was taken to the Social Welfare Institute of Wuchuan, Guangdong Province where it was determined that she had congenital heart disease for which she later had corrective surgery. She did spend approximately one year in foster care, later returning to the orphanage to attend kindergarten. 

It breaks my heart every time I think of that little bundle wrapped in a blanket and left outside on her own, waiting for someone to pick her up and care for her. It breaks my heart for Stella and the parents who had no other choice but to abandon her...how does a mother overcome that kind of guilt and grief?


The new future is definitely bright for our little Stella as she sets out to embrace life and send us off each night with " I lub you" and a kiss on the cheek!